Post by alex on Feb 22, 2011 1:49:36 GMT -5
Dear Lucas,
I know that I’m too late.
You wanted me to write this letter before all this, but I couldn’t get myself to write it.
Yet, here I am, because today isn’t a regular day; it’s your day.
I spent some time with your sister a few hours ago. It was comforting, even though I know you get uncomfortable when we’re hanging out. ”I don’t like not knowing what kind of evil plans my sister plants in your head,” you used to say. Haha… I promise, she didn’t try to get me to take over the world; we just talked. It was nice, actually. She and I haven’t really been that close, but it was like we needed each other today.
I’ve gotten a million calls today from people I barely know. It’s been weird and kind of exhausting. You know me, I’m so lazy it feels impossible to roll out of bed and grab the phone! I think I’ll buy a cordless phone like you wanted. Then maybe I’ll even admit that you were right about something. Yeah, that would be a first!
It’s weird, I never knew how easy it was to put away your own ego in these kinds of situations, it just doesn’t matter as much as it did.
I keep thinking about the last time we saw each other. I wanted to tell you something so bad, but you were just so excited about your work. Congrats on your promotion, by the way, I’m not sure I told you that or not. Maybe you don’t want to hear that from me… you’d probably scold at me for talking about work in this letter. I agree, it’s kind of stupid. But I don’t really know what to write. I’d rather say it to your face, but that will have to wait.
Oh, crap, I had to run to the phone just now. It was my mother. She’d obviously spoken to your mother. She was so upset. I don’t know what she was most upset about: that I didn’t tell her or that you and her hadn’t seen each other for like four months. She loves you, you know. Now she’s upset because she’ll probably never see you again.
My dad just hugged me when he saw me. It was nice. I was glad that everyone didn’t have to talk and “make everything better”, because they can’t. Oh well, I wonder when I’ll have to stop smiling and pretend that everything is okay. I wonder when I’ll actually be able to say, “I’m fine” and mean it; probably not for a while.
I mean, fucking hell, I’m not fine! I’m not even okay. It feels like someone pushed me off a steep cliff and let me fall all by myself. And today, I hit the pavement. There are so many things I want to say to you, but now I can’t! I wrote this letter and I wished that it would feel like I was talking to you. It doesn’t… I keep getting impulses to call you and it breaks my heart every time I remember that you won’t answer.
I’m going to your funeral next week.
Your mother is so anxious because she doesn’t know if it was like you wanted it to be. I don’t know if you had even though about your own funeral. You weren’t even 30 yet. No one was expecting it and that came back to slap us in the face. Hard. Wow, I mean, we felt like immortals. If we had only known…
Oh, by the way, I hated that fucking motorcycle. But of course you didn’t listen to me. And now it has taken you from me, from us.
It would be so easy to put the blame on you and be furious with you for being so reckless, but what good would that do?
I suppose I’m trying to tell you that… it’s not your fault. I hope you didn’t feel that way when you realized that you were going to crash. I wish I could have been the one who was there, holding your hand, as you took your last breath. I wish I had told you the thing that has been eating me from within! But instead I assumed that we had time to wait. How wrong I was.
Lucas… I lost the baby.
The doctor told me… I couldn’t believe it. And I couldn’t bring myself to tell you when you were so excited about your promotion. Maybe you’d have stayed with me if I’d told you and not gone home at night on your motorcycle. Maybe it was better this way, maybe you were hoping that I wouldn’t be as lonely when I had the baby, too. I’m so sorry.
I can’t keep writing this anymore. You won’t be able to read it.
I just wanted you to know that I love you. Iloveyou, Iloveyou, Iloveyou, Iloveyou, damn it! I love you. That’s all that matters. I think I’ll be fine. Eventually. Probably. But right now I’m going to cry and try to make sense of everything. All the shit we’ve gone through, none of it matters now. The love is the only thing that is left now.
You’ll always be my angel and the love of my life.
- Emma
I know that I’m too late.
You wanted me to write this letter before all this, but I couldn’t get myself to write it.
Yet, here I am, because today isn’t a regular day; it’s your day.
I spent some time with your sister a few hours ago. It was comforting, even though I know you get uncomfortable when we’re hanging out. ”I don’t like not knowing what kind of evil plans my sister plants in your head,” you used to say. Haha… I promise, she didn’t try to get me to take over the world; we just talked. It was nice, actually. She and I haven’t really been that close, but it was like we needed each other today.
I’ve gotten a million calls today from people I barely know. It’s been weird and kind of exhausting. You know me, I’m so lazy it feels impossible to roll out of bed and grab the phone! I think I’ll buy a cordless phone like you wanted. Then maybe I’ll even admit that you were right about something. Yeah, that would be a first!
It’s weird, I never knew how easy it was to put away your own ego in these kinds of situations, it just doesn’t matter as much as it did.
I keep thinking about the last time we saw each other. I wanted to tell you something so bad, but you were just so excited about your work. Congrats on your promotion, by the way, I’m not sure I told you that or not. Maybe you don’t want to hear that from me… you’d probably scold at me for talking about work in this letter. I agree, it’s kind of stupid. But I don’t really know what to write. I’d rather say it to your face, but that will have to wait.
Oh, crap, I had to run to the phone just now. It was my mother. She’d obviously spoken to your mother. She was so upset. I don’t know what she was most upset about: that I didn’t tell her or that you and her hadn’t seen each other for like four months. She loves you, you know. Now she’s upset because she’ll probably never see you again.
My dad just hugged me when he saw me. It was nice. I was glad that everyone didn’t have to talk and “make everything better”, because they can’t. Oh well, I wonder when I’ll have to stop smiling and pretend that everything is okay. I wonder when I’ll actually be able to say, “I’m fine” and mean it; probably not for a while.
I mean, fucking hell, I’m not fine! I’m not even okay. It feels like someone pushed me off a steep cliff and let me fall all by myself. And today, I hit the pavement. There are so many things I want to say to you, but now I can’t! I wrote this letter and I wished that it would feel like I was talking to you. It doesn’t… I keep getting impulses to call you and it breaks my heart every time I remember that you won’t answer.
I’m going to your funeral next week.
Your mother is so anxious because she doesn’t know if it was like you wanted it to be. I don’t know if you had even though about your own funeral. You weren’t even 30 yet. No one was expecting it and that came back to slap us in the face. Hard. Wow, I mean, we felt like immortals. If we had only known…
Oh, by the way, I hated that fucking motorcycle. But of course you didn’t listen to me. And now it has taken you from me, from us.
It would be so easy to put the blame on you and be furious with you for being so reckless, but what good would that do?
I suppose I’m trying to tell you that… it’s not your fault. I hope you didn’t feel that way when you realized that you were going to crash. I wish I could have been the one who was there, holding your hand, as you took your last breath. I wish I had told you the thing that has been eating me from within! But instead I assumed that we had time to wait. How wrong I was.
Lucas… I lost the baby.
The doctor told me… I couldn’t believe it. And I couldn’t bring myself to tell you when you were so excited about your promotion. Maybe you’d have stayed with me if I’d told you and not gone home at night on your motorcycle. Maybe it was better this way, maybe you were hoping that I wouldn’t be as lonely when I had the baby, too. I’m so sorry.
I can’t keep writing this anymore. You won’t be able to read it.
I just wanted you to know that I love you. Iloveyou, Iloveyou, Iloveyou, Iloveyou, damn it! I love you. That’s all that matters. I think I’ll be fine. Eventually. Probably. But right now I’m going to cry and try to make sense of everything. All the shit we’ve gone through, none of it matters now. The love is the only thing that is left now.
You’ll always be my angel and the love of my life.
- Emma
You said you were going to, and it's not sad... more humorous. xD /shameless advertising